Is That a Kid in Your Pocket or Are You Just Trying to Trick Me?

There’s a pair of sweatpants on the floor in the hallway outside the bathroom. My kitchen island is populated by keys, an almost empty jar of pumpkin seeds, earbuds, a pen that’s out of ink (mental note to place in the junk drawer for requisite amount of time prior to garbage), a vitamin container, sticky notes, my wallet and a coffee mug containing the external battery pack charger thingy for my phone. And an onion.